I set up my bed for the night, plugged in my phone and put the bluetooth speaker on instrumental worship. I turned on the diffuser and dropped in a splash of Valor because this was a night to be brave.
I had the nurse come in and disarm the bed alarm. After she closed the door I slipped into my pajamas and put a new scripture on the white board: “Those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, they shall run and not grow weary, they shall walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31
It was 2 am and I was ready.
I put the side rail down and crawled in next to my mom. I wrapped my arms around her as I felt the warmth of her body and breath. She was no longer interactive, but I knew she could hear me. We had planned this meeting and I had full confidence she was ready to receive all the love I had for her. “Mama, I’m coming to snuggle with you,” I whispered. “It’s time for us to say goodbye.”
Exactly two weeks earlier I had gotten a text from her asking if I had a new phone number. It made me laugh because she was texting me at the number I’d had for 15+ years. “It keeps coming through as a different area code,” she said. Curious, I picked up the phone and called her and couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Her voice was faint and weak and her words were slurred. I reached out to Sandy, a dear family friend (who is a retired nurse) saying I might need her help. The next day when I arrived to check on my mom, I was in shock. She was asleep in a chair in her living room. When I gently kissed her cheek and said hello, she opened her eyes for a few seconds. We had a brief conversation and then she fell back asleep. I picked up my phone and texted Sandy. “I wonder if you might be willing to come check on her,” I wrote. “I feel like we need your assessment.”
I spent as much time as I could with my sweet mom and then left to pick Jake up from school. Sandy got to the house and knew immediately that mom needed to go to the hospital. My parents didn’t hesitate to follow her lead. Over the next several days the staff ran tests and scans and took biopsies as we discovered that my mom’s body was riddled with courage—this is the word I have chosen to replace the “c” word.
I started asking God to show me what it looks like to partner faith with reality and I found Him speaking His words of wisdom to my heart. “You know what to do. I have you.”
My earlier journey had taught me how to connect with my feelings and REALLY allow myself to embrace the moments right in front of me and anticipate the ones that were to come. I knew from experience that God would light the path and show us what was ahead. My mom had spent most of her adult life really digging into God’s Word and discovering His plan for her life. One of the first things He taught her when I was young was how to stand in faith for my dad to be drawn to God and come back to our home. For years I watched her keep her heart open to a man who proclaimed he wanted nothing to do with our family and God was indeed faithful, He eventually brought my dad home to us. She, along with my dad, was a warrior for marriage and God’s desire for healing, restoration and covenant.
I held her hand as she, my dad and I (plus my brothers and their families, extended family as well and my parents’ close friends) started a 12-day journey together. It was one of faith, love, hope and a KNOWING that God had her on the darkest days, in the loneliest hours, and even in the times when we fully knew and understood that she only had days and hours—not months and years—to spend with us. And in those 12 days I held her hand as much as I could…while she took short naps, when her body was in extreme pain, when the nurses were looking for a good artery to draw blood, and during our meetings with the doctors as they gently shared their findings and what they meant (I squeezed the hardest in those times). I was by her side when the oncologist explained that her time was greatly limited and her diagnosis was terminal. “I guess my question is, how will this end,” she asked the oncologist, “As far as me and what I’ll go through and what it’s like at the end?” The doctor quietly and thoughtfully explained how my mom’s body would start to shut down. I looked over at my mom while she intently absorbed the conversation. I held her hand a little tighter and she gripped mine back.
“Rush Limbaugh shared recently that not all of us get an expiration date,” my mom said softly once the oncologist was done. “When you get an expiration date, you know how much time you have and you make the most of it.”
Her tribe around the world was praying for her, holding her up and believing with us for a miracle. As we prayed for her body to be restored, I had an incredible peace that it would, either here on earth or in heaven. And although we were all fighting for the former, I asked God to give me the grace to accept the latter if that’s how things played out. It was in that moment I realized that God was teaching me how to partner my faith with her circumstances and it all boiled down to this question: Could we trust God no matter what?
That question would be answered for my family and her dear friends over the next few days, the final days of my mama’s time with us here on planet earth.
If you know someone who could benefit from this post, please share. God carved out a path of intense healing for me and I would like to share it with as many people who need or want to hear.
17 thoughts on “Faith meets reality”
Thank you, Cristine. May you and your family be blessed with peace and joy in the middle
If the sorrow of loss.
Kate, thank you…we are feeling God’s strength and peace in such a powerful way. ❤
What a powerful testimony, Christine. This is indeed a honorable home call for our dear Marilyn. So quick yet so slowly she slipped into glory. “For this God is our God forever and ever; He will be our guide even till death.” Psalm 48:14 May God continue to bless the family with His peace & His presence.
Absolutely stunningly beautiful! I could visualize every moment and cried tears alongside you! Your mom was an exceptional woman in every way. I don’t know anyone else like her. Her crowns and jewels in Heaven will be many as she sits by the feet of Jesus! Thank you for sharing your journey with us! I just know it will help to mend many hearts and bring them back to the Lord!
I have read your wonderful post shedding a few tears along the way. Thank you for sharing those thoughts about those final few days as death embraced life. Your Mom was/is an amazing person who with your Dad was used by the Lord to change our lives and millions of others
Love and blessings
Michael & Alison Goode
We met your Mom and Dad in 1993 and have been in the ministry ever since
Michael and Alison, I am late in saying hello and thank you for posting this comment. So great to hear from you guys!!! Much love to you and thank you for serving alongside my parents. ❤️
Thank you for sharing her story. I am confident that God is with you all as you brave the future knowing that she is with Him.
Hi, I am Darci Overstreet’s mom. I saw your blog last night when I knew my sister had only a short time to live. She died this morning and it seemed the perfect time for your blog to reach me. Thank you for sharing your faith that “God has this”. My sister and your mom are precious to God. That is what matters.
Thank you for sharing this on the day you said goodbye to your sister. Much love to you. ❤️
Thanks Sis, love ya.
We love you mom, don’t know how to live in a world that doesn’t have you in it.
Love you, Mike. So glad we have each other.
Thank you for this sensitive post – we too went through something so similar a few months ago with our wonderful daughter in law. The power and presence of God was almost tangible and has remained so with us. He is faithful – and we continue to trust and follow Him – no matter what. Blessings – Lois
Lois, that had to be hard to say goodbye to a daughter in law. 😢 Thank you for sharing this. ❤️
Blessings and great grace to you, Cristine (and all of your precious family). You are all in our hearts and prayers in the painful time of separation…BUT we rejoice that ONE DAY we’ll all be reunited on the other side of time. Until that wonderful day, may all your precious memories of her life bring you joy in the midst of sorrow. Your mama’s life has impacted the world…in including our little part of the world. Your parents’ selfless giving for resurrection and restoration of marriages around the globe was and still is amazing…and to be God be all the glory! We love you, Kathy and Jim Speer
Kathy, thank you for this message and the encouragement that we will be reunited!!!! Your words are so beautiful to me. Thank you. ❤️
Your mom was a true friend to me and always gave
Godly counsel to my many questions. I am eternally
Grateful for her.
I am holding your Dad and all of you in prayer,
Knowing that the Holy Spirit is the comforter.
He is faithful.
I shall always remember her precious smile!
Marilyn, I’m late in this reply but I want you to know how much I loved hearing from you. You were so very special to my mom. How are you? 💕